If you read my blog post yesterday, you should it’s about a great guy and it’s right below, then you know I had someone I know pass away. He wasn’t someone I hung out with regularly or even saw that often, but worked with him for quite some time. This passing has definitely put me into a weird funk. My sleep pattern has always been irregular and weird. But the past 2 nights have been tough, with waking up every few hours, not even from nightmares but just waking up. I have this weird thing about me where when I lie in bed is when my mind wanders and thinks a lot. I actually attribute it to the dark. When it is dark then my mind goes into hyperdrive. I guess that’s why movies like Blair Witch freaked me out. It let my mind go crazy and scare the crap out of myself.
I tend to freak myself out about things like death especially when I am about to sleep. I have this innate ability to not be able to get something out of my mind. Like when someone tells me to clear my mind and make it blank. I can do it for about a second, then my mind wanders. I think about a bare white room with nothing in it. Then I would think about the corners of the room and where the door would be and a single dot on the wall and where it came from. Then I would try and figure out the dot and its origin and that would take me outside the room. Yes I know very ADHD, but I don’t think I am to bad. Although I do daydream and catch myself sometimes in the middle of the day just randomly thinking about something.
I am not sure what can take me out of this funk though. It’s not like I am depressed or crying myself to sleep. I just feel weird knowing someone I knew is no longer here on this earth. It does make me realize how precious our lives are and how quickly it can be taken. It seems like every few years I have some type of revelation like this. Where it may be witnessing a horrific crash or having someone pass away. I get that kick in the butt to help me realize how lucky we all are to be where we are.
Even just writing this right now makes me feel a little better about the whole situation, but I don’t think there is ever a answer to curing my mood. It’s just one of those things that happens over time. It is one of those times that I am also proud though of the people I know and am networked with. Everyone has come together in a way only a “family” can to help support and give a shoulder to cry on during this time.
I am grateful that I now have this blog and area to just write my random thoughts to vent or just express what I feel. It helps me let out so much and share with so many people it’s an amazing thing. It’s like my own form of therapy, just a lot cheaper and I get more out of it.
